Stop Holding Back: How to Speak Your Mind at Work
You don't need to tell me who you are or what you do for me to know this: there's something at work you're holding back on.
Maybe it's a tricky topic, a challenging situation, or a particular person.
But when the moment comes to speak up, you hesitate, overthink, and might even choose to withhold entirely.
Watch the video for a glimpse into how I started speaking up.
Withholding in Communication: What's the Deal?
At its core, withholding communication is when we intentionally or subconsciously avoid sharing our true thoughts, feelings, or information.
It's like having a vault where we lock away our genuine responses, choosing instead to present a facade that we believe is more acceptable or less risky.
Withholding at Work: What Does It Look Like?
Imagine this scenario from a personal angle.
My client, “Darnelle”, dreads family conversations because she fears the fallout of being honest about her life choices.
This fear of confrontation, of disappointing others, or of dealing with the repercussions of our honesty isn't just confined to our personal lives.
It seeps into our professional environments with equal, if not greater, intensity.
When challenged to express their true feelings at work, many people are quick to dismiss the possibility, citing potential backlash or futility.
"I couldn't possibly say that," or "It wouldn't make any difference," are common refrains.
But this mindset blocks us from achieving our collective goal at work: to succeed and excel.
The Root of Withholding: Survival Strategies
Our tendency to withhold stems from deep-seated survival strategies:
Looking Good: We want to maintain a certain image, fearing that honesty might tarnish our reputation.
Avoiding Pain: We steer clear of potential conflict or discomfort that might arise from speaking our truth.
Seeking Control: We try to manage the narrative to keep situations predictable and within our comfort zone.
These strategies, though protective, often lead to negative communication patterns like:
Being Disconnected: We lose the chance to build genuine connections by not sharing our true selves.
Being Combative: In our efforts to protect our stance, we might become overly defensive or confrontational.
Being Cordially Detached: We keep interactions polite and friendly, yet superficial, avoiding any real depth.
The Price of Withholding
The cost is significant: a lack of authentic connection and "professional intimacy" with colleagues, which is crucial for a thriving workplace culture.
Breaking the Cycle
To overcome this, consider a three-step strategy for success:
State the Facts: Focus on what actually happened, devoid of personal interpretation.
Acknowledge Your Interpretation: Recognize your assumptions and beliefs about the situation.
Identify Your Survival Strategy: Understand the coping mechanism you're employing and its impact on your communication.
A Call to Action for Women
Especially for women in the workplace, it's crucial to stop withholding and start communicating with authenticity and courage.
Women often face additional layers of communication barriers and societal expectations that can make speaking up seem even more daunting.
Join the Movement: How Women Speak
If you're ready to transform your communication and, by extension, your career, consider joining my flagship course: How Women Speak.
This course isn't about overnight success or unrealistic promises. It's about laying the groundwork for substantial, meaningful growth through strategic communication.
Let's collectively move beyond the cycle of silence and harness the true power of our voices.
